EST. FIVE MINUTES AGO
BECAUSE WALKING
IS FOR QUITTERS.
Unreasonable machines for people who read the owner's manual only to find the launch-control instructions.
01 / POOR JUDGMENT, CUSTOMIZED
MIDLIFE CRISIS CONFIGURATOR
Build the car your mechanic calls 'the boat fund.' Cupholders: 0. Regrets: several.
VEX-9 OVERCOMPENSATOR
Two seats. Zero cupholders. Seven warning lights.
02 / FINANCIAL ADVICE*
CAN I AFFORD IT?
Our proprietary algorithm factors in income, savings, and the price of four tires wider than your apartment hallway.
We already know. Press the button anyway.
03 / NEIGHBORHOOD DIPLOMACY
EXHAUST SOUNDBOARD
Six precision-engineered ways to make the parking garage file a noise complaint.
SOUND ON. DIGNITY OFF.
04 / STREET CRED SIMULATOR
DRAG RACE
Launch, then shift when the needle hits green. Five gears. One minivan. Zero excuses.
TAP LAUNCH. SHIFT IN THE GREEN. BEAT THE MINIVAN.
05 / SCIENTIFICALLY UNSOUND
WHAT SPORTS CAR ARE YOU?
Five questions. One brutally honest verdict. Results not reviewed by any licensed professional.
QUESTION 1 / 5
A light turns green. You:
06 / GROUND CLEARANCE: YES
SPEED BUMP SIMULATOR
Drag your slammed masterpiece over a municipal speed bump. Slowly, like an adult. Or don't.
★★★★★“A police officer asked if my exhaust was broken. I said, 'Only at idle, officer.' That was our eleventh conversation.”